Saturday, October 26, 2013

Parallel Lives ... Tomorrow

Dear MP,

Having read your October 14 post, I see we are once again living parallel lives.  Well, except for the traveling and kids to college and moving thing.  My 'forget self' distractions are work, Mom, a commute that kills, AND a 16 day Government Furlough.

All of these things have totally knocked me off my game on self liking, self loving, self care.  Since they are all going to remain in my life (except that 16 day furlough - at least I am hoping there will be no repeat of THAT), so I need to embrace them rather than make them my excuses for easy fixing bad eating.

The catalyst to this current downward spiral  -- my juicer burned up.  Apparently, as you know, some important part inside is plastic and that important part melted so it no longer spun the basket.  Nothing was juiced.  Whatever I stuffed down the chute, stayed in the chute.  This set me back on the juicing.  I needed to get a new one to continue that path.  I DID get a new one, a few weeks later.  A lovely new shiny juicer, faster, more options, more durable - at least, at twice the price, I hoped so.  However, I barely tested its mettle before I continued my non-juice-because-I-had-no-juicer behavior.  Having been juiceless for two weeks, my attention wandered and my morning routine fell back into its old comfortable rut.  Juicing didn't live in that rut.  I have been unable (unwilling?) to establish a new groove to wipe out that old rut.

On top of the no juice, I rediscovered my love for soda.  I grew tired of homemade vitamin water - though it was tasty.  I ran out of the flavors of tea I liked and couldn't find any comparable in the grocery store.  Caffeine Free Diet Cola (both major brands, depending on the sale of the week) came back into my life.  This is not a good thing, because water went right out again.  I have replenished my tea stock.  I did this the first day of the Furlough.   It is now October 26th, 25 days after I replenished my stock, and I have not made a single cup of tea!

Eating was next to fall victim to my old path reversion.  I do try to make healthy dinners - when I'm not taking the fast food easy way.  Lunch was skipped more was good for me, especially since I ate junk instead.  Junk for breakfast, junk for lunch, healthy dinner - that just doesn't work!   Why the heck was I even BUYING junk?  Who knows.  I say it is for the others in my house who don't have the same issues, but I end up eating more than they consume of these 'treats for them."

I am not QUITE back up to the pre-start weight, but pretty darn close.  I'm definitely off my eating game.  I feel sluggish and unmotivated.  I am turning back into the chair slug.  I NEED to reset my mind and body  - lickety split!

Most of the goodies are gone.  I do have several 2 liter bottles of Diet Coke waiting for me.  BUT, I am determined to recommit to this journey.  I will need to review the pantry, fridge and freezer contents to make a list for grocery shopping.   I know I will need fresh juicing and vitamin water supplies.  I will need some fresh vegetables for meals as well.

Meal planning TODAY.  Grocery Shopping TODAY.  Juice prep TODAY.

Really start - TOMORROW. 

Beginning anew with you,
Your Sister

Monday, October 14, 2013

Commitments to Myself

This has been a wild 2 months with tons of travel, kids going off to college and moving from my home of twenty-one years.

I've given myself passes on self care and today I'm paying for it.  I'm sluggish, exhausted, allergy-drained and just as heavy and unhealthy as I was when I first made all of those promises to myself.

Therin lies the rub...promises to the self.  I teach my leadership students that keeping commitments to the self is the fastest way to learn how to keep promises and agreements with others.  We must first trust the self.  And yet I am like so many who want to tend to the needs of others first - it seems so much more noble somehow.

Fact of the matter....I don't want the last half (third?) of my life to be spent in health crisis and I need to put my time and my energy where my mouth is.  I need to take off the hero cape and stop singing the victim's siren song.  Create the plan (set the foundation) and then make one single decision and take one single step at a time (trust actions).  Baby steps in self trust.  Baby steps lead to giant leaps.

I don't feel well.  I want to feel well.  What am I willing to do about it?

Green juice this morning.  My purifed water next to me.  Baby steps.