Tuesday, November 29, 2016

A brand new day...

We started this in August of 2013 but neither were truly ready - in some cases not able - to start and work towards the results.

Last November I began to wean myself back into exercise.  I found that I loved it.  Really!!  All of my old dancer muscle memory began to re-emerge.  I took the plunge and hired a trainer.  I love my trainer.

Good food and exercise shed 26 pounds of fat and I found myself size shrinking, too.

A back injury later, I could not exercise for about 6 weeks.  In that time, 10 pounds found their way back to me.  Despite joining Weight Watchers and despite what I knew about nutrition at this point, my center of discipline had evaporated when the exercise went away.

Rehabbed and ready to go, I have returned to the gym and also to a Couch to 5K program.  I've always wanted to run but it seemed so daunting.

Here's the lesson for me.  If I lose one point of discipline (routine), I want to find ways to keep the other healthy disciplines moving forward.  A vacation that takes me off of food plan, is augmented with more walking or pool aerobics.  A back injury means vigilance around nutrition.

I'm worth it.

Oh, by the way....sister is down close to 70 pounds since April!

We've got this.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

More on Promises to Self

Boy, do I struggle with this.  And I want to be noble and say that it's because I spend all my time and attention on OTHERS and the consequence is a neglect of ME.  That is not the truth.  It's time to take the blinders off to that victim excuse.

As a matter of fact, I could easily choose to make one or two small moves that would help me to keep promises with myself.  What I choose to do instead is find some noble reason (excuse) to not do what I say I'm going to do in the first place!  Again, I'm reminded of what I teach others - small steps in the right direction that answer the "who and what by when" questions.

Since it is so easy for me to slide with food and exercise and since that slide makes it easy to not trust myself to keep my word, I decided to take another baby step to help develop discipline.  I've made a promise - that I have kept completely thus far - to write at least one page every morning.  This guarantees me 15 minutes to focus completely on ME.  A cup of coffee accompanies my journal (and I frequently write of my gratitude for coffee) and I have a favorite pen.  I just write - whatever comes up - without judgment.  Much like I'd like to live my life - living how spirit moves me without judgment.  I frequently write about what I'm grateful for...that sets a wonderful tone for the day.  I'm gentler with myself and others and, funny thing, I'm also keeping other commitments with less effort.

Kathleen, we need to be gentle with ourselves and love ourselves because we really are WONDERFUL WOMEN.  I think when I know that about myself, the rest of the self care will fall into line.

Learning to fall in love with myself all over again.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Parallel Lives ... Tomorrow

Dear MP,

Having read your October 14 post, I see we are once again living parallel lives.  Well, except for the traveling and kids to college and moving thing.  My 'forget self' distractions are work, Mom, a commute that kills, AND a 16 day Government Furlough.

All of these things have totally knocked me off my game on self liking, self loving, self care.  Since they are all going to remain in my life (except that 16 day furlough - at least I am hoping there will be no repeat of THAT), so I need to embrace them rather than make them my excuses for easy fixing bad eating.

The catalyst to this current downward spiral  -- my juicer burned up.  Apparently, as you know, some important part inside is plastic and that important part melted so it no longer spun the basket.  Nothing was juiced.  Whatever I stuffed down the chute, stayed in the chute.  This set me back on the juicing.  I needed to get a new one to continue that path.  I DID get a new one, a few weeks later.  A lovely new shiny juicer, faster, more options, more durable - at least, at twice the price, I hoped so.  However, I barely tested its mettle before I continued my non-juice-because-I-had-no-juicer behavior.  Having been juiceless for two weeks, my attention wandered and my morning routine fell back into its old comfortable rut.  Juicing didn't live in that rut.  I have been unable (unwilling?) to establish a new groove to wipe out that old rut.

On top of the no juice, I rediscovered my love for soda.  I grew tired of homemade vitamin water - though it was tasty.  I ran out of the flavors of tea I liked and couldn't find any comparable in the grocery store.  Caffeine Free Diet Cola (both major brands, depending on the sale of the week) came back into my life.  This is not a good thing, because water went right out again.  I have replenished my tea stock.  I did this the first day of the Furlough.   It is now October 26th, 25 days after I replenished my stock, and I have not made a single cup of tea!

Eating was next to fall victim to my old path reversion.  I do try to make healthy dinners - when I'm not taking the fast food easy way.  Lunch was skipped more was good for me, especially since I ate junk instead.  Junk for breakfast, junk for lunch, healthy dinner - that just doesn't work!   Why the heck was I even BUYING junk?  Who knows.  I say it is for the others in my house who don't have the same issues, but I end up eating more than they consume of these 'treats for them."

I am not QUITE back up to the pre-start weight, but pretty darn close.  I'm definitely off my eating game.  I feel sluggish and unmotivated.  I am turning back into the chair slug.  I NEED to reset my mind and body  - lickety split!

Most of the goodies are gone.  I do have several 2 liter bottles of Diet Coke waiting for me.  BUT, I am determined to recommit to this journey.  I will need to review the pantry, fridge and freezer contents to make a list for grocery shopping.   I know I will need fresh juicing and vitamin water supplies.  I will need some fresh vegetables for meals as well.

Meal planning TODAY.  Grocery Shopping TODAY.  Juice prep TODAY.

Really start - TOMORROW. 

Beginning anew with you,
Your Sister

Monday, October 14, 2013

Commitments to Myself

This has been a wild 2 months with tons of travel, kids going off to college and moving from my home of twenty-one years.

I've given myself passes on self care and today I'm paying for it.  I'm sluggish, exhausted, allergy-drained and just as heavy and unhealthy as I was when I first made all of those promises to myself.

Therin lies the rub...promises to the self.  I teach my leadership students that keeping commitments to the self is the fastest way to learn how to keep promises and agreements with others.  We must first trust the self.  And yet I am like so many who want to tend to the needs of others first - it seems so much more noble somehow.

Fact of the matter....I don't want the last half (third?) of my life to be spent in health crisis and I need to put my time and my energy where my mouth is.  I need to take off the hero cape and stop singing the victim's siren song.  Create the plan (set the foundation) and then make one single decision and take one single step at a time (trust actions).  Baby steps in self trust.  Baby steps lead to giant leaps.

I don't feel well.  I want to feel well.  What am I willing to do about it?

Green juice this morning.  My purifed water next to me.  Baby steps. 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Plateau is not just a place

The dictionary's first definition of plateau says "an area of high flat land; a mountain with a wide, flat top."  But a plateau is not just an area of land, it is an experience, a phenomenon, a point to forge ahead or turn back.

I'm choosing to forge ahead.

I've been plateauing or see-sawing for over two weeks now.  Up a pound or two, down a pound or two.  Eating well, not eating well.

First set back - my juicer died.  I ordered another the same day, but it took over 10 days to arrive.  I washed and set it up.  Prepped all the fruits and vegetables I had on hand.  Juiced for the first time in almost two weeks on Thursday.  Missed Friday.

Time to start anew on the daily juicing - TODAY!

Second set back - exhaustion, mostly caused by a ramp up on the job and needier folks at home.  It's been difficult to set aside prep and cook time.  We've had a few too many days of fast food and pizza, not to mention strudels for dessert.

Third (possible) set back - allergy season has started.  No time to get over the over-doing exhaustion before the sinus pressure, sore throat, nasal drip induced-coughing and poor sleep exhaustion begins. 

BUT, this third one I can see approaching, so I need to plan my attack NOW so it doesn't take me down.

I find the ladies in my care are another challenge right now.  Having to constantly explain what I'm eating and why is wearing on me.  I offer ice cream as their nightly treat and I have grapes.  I have to explain why for the 10 minutes it takes to consume these treats!  Same deal with muffins (I don't eat) or sandwiches (when I choose a salad over the two slices of bread).  It feels like I am on display, or in an interactive play where I am the star and they are the questioning audience. 

Getting over this will be the only way to continue on my healthful journey.

Good points - I am still 100% soda free!  I physically feel thinner than the scale has measured me (242 lbs this morning).  I'm aware of the pitfalls around me and will work to overcome them.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

What's in a Number?

When I started this journey a few weeks ago, I stepped on my scale and recorded the number.  I wanted to track my progress in the weight loss prong of this multi-prong adventure.

However, I have determined my scale is not to be trusted.  I tested the scale one day.  I recorded my weight three different times.  Each number was different!  I have no idea if the original figure recorded was even correct.  It could have been higher (probable) or lower (not as probable).

This lack of accuracy was confirmed yesterday at the doctor's office.  In the triage room, the digital scale said 3 lbs MORE than my home scale.  Then we went into the examining room, where the old balance scale resided.  I stepped on it.  It registered one pound LESS than the digital scale.  I lost one pound in the space of a doorway?  I don't think so.

Same day.  Three different scales.  Three different numbers.  Scales cannot be trusted and should not be the arbiter of my success.

  • How I feel  - (I feel better!)
  • How my clothes fit (some are looser; some, that were snug, fit fine now);
  • How successful I have been following the proper selections for meals and snacks;
  • The average of three tries on the scale 
                         ---- these will be my measuring tools.

You see the scale is still there, right?.  I can't bring myself to toss the scale completely.  I do want to know the approximate amount of weight I shed by the time my physical goal is met.  However, I will not rely on that as an exact measure of success or even the major measure of success.  I will not let the number derail me if it isn't what I expect to see.  A healthy body is more than a number on the scale!


My mind, left to its own devices, can play games with me.  Much of the success of living better has to do with taming my wild mind.  Getting conscious!  With my non-disciplined brain on autopilot, I get to make all kinds of poor choices....because I am not really thinking.  The chip goes in my mouth and THEN I think about it.  This is foolish.

Living better is about being alert and crisp and disciplined.  Again - that WORD!!!! Discipline.  It's my friend, possibly my best friend.

Yesterday my unruly mind won.  I was 10 minutes late to my exercise practice.  So, I went to the grocery store instead.  Do you think I purchased wonderful nourishing foods for myself??  NOOOOOOO.  It was apple pie and wine.

This morning I made sure I was on time for the class.  All through the first half of the class I kept looking for reasons to leave.  My mind went into riot mode.  I can't do it.  It's too tough.  I'm too big.  All the girls are yoga-thin.  Somehow, I got onto myself.  It was kind of funny.  I finished the practice.  I shed a few tears.  (yes....victory is bittersweet).

Mindset.  My goal this week is to stay conscious.

Very little weight lost so far...but some weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders.

We march on.